Over the past few weeks I have really been doing my research on artificial insemination. I know it sounds crazy, but it is something that I am seriously considering. People use artificial insemination for all sorts of reasons; because they can’t naturally reproduce, they are in a same-sex relationship/marriage, their male counterpart is infertile. All kinds of things. But for me, it’s simple….
For the longest time I have felt that marriage may not be in the cards for me. I’m not sure why, it’s just a feeling I have. Of course, I would love to get married, but I just don’t know if it is going to happen. I don’t even foresee me being in a relationship anytime soon. If you recall from a previous post when I first started this blog, I said I felt I had relationship karma, because I have pretty much cheated in every relationship. I still feel that to be true. Maybe I have not been actively looking for a relationship or trying to date, but it just hasn’t happened. Then again, as with anything else in my life, when it’s meant to happen it will happen.
Nonetheless, I have decided that because I am not getting any younger, by the time I am 35, if I have not gotten married or in a serious relationship, I am going to find a donor and begin the process of artificial insemination. Reason being, I am just so skeptical about everything. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Even if I get in a relationship or better yet married, who is to say things will last forever? Even if I find someone and we get pregnant, there is no guarantee that they will stick around to be a father. I guess from personal experience I am scarred. My son’s father and I were together for a while, I got pregnant and after our son turned a year old, we went our separate ways and he is not active in my son’s life….at all. I just feel that if I have to be a single-parent, I’d rather be a single-parent by choice, as opposed to my partner making the choice for me. Hence the artificial insemination.
So, that is why I have been doing the research! I went on many different websites. One of which being CryoBank.com. Seeing the THOUSANDS of donors intrigued me. There are so many men who have donated a piece of themselves to help people in need. Those who want children and want to raise families. They give you so many details on these sites. Even showing you who the donor’s celebrity look-a-likes are! Being able to look through a catalog and choose the traits you are looking for in a donor so your child will inherit those traits is so fascinating! It almost seems like you’re participating in a build-a-baby! Which is perfect for me because I want my baby and my son to have some similarities. One similarity being that my son is biracial. I want them to at least look related.
And not to take the situation lightly. I know there are people who have actively been trying to conceive children for years. There are people who medically need this type of procedure. I may not medically need it, as far as I know, I am healthy enough to reproduce on my own. But I don’t want to be denied the opportunity to have more children because I am alone. I genuinely would like to give my son a sibling. I’m only 28, going on 29, I still have time to do this the au natural way. But just in case it doesn’t happen, I’ll always have my Cryo-Daddy.