An Old Journal Entry…

“Beginning a New Chapter in My Life!”
2/13/2011
6:40pm

This year I’m beginning to learn a lot of new things about life & love. As far as life, you never know when a curve ball may be thrown your way. Change can happen in the blink of an eye & you have to learn to adjust. I feel that I have been truly blessed with great support all around me. Without my great family & a few of my true friends, I wouldn’t know how to survive. But I will say that given the recent events that have taken place in my life, I will never take small things for granted. Such as having a job, a roof over my head, the ability to transport from A to B & supportive people in my circle. As far as love, I’ve learned that I can’t continue to look for it. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. I can’t rush what’s already destined for me! I’ve been talking to _______* for the past few months & I have that “love” for him. But I know I’m wasting my time. While I’m thinking about him, he is not merely concerned about me. I seem to only hear from him or see him at his convenience! The sad part is that I already know that & I continue to let it happen. But why? I still get giddy when he calls, a smile on my face when I see him. But the next day, I’m back to disappointment when I don’t hear from him. I don’t understand or get it. And maybe I never will. But my feelings for him seem to prevail over everything else! From now on I’m going to have to play it cool. I’m going to have to get used to the idea that maybe one day I will have to move on. However, I can’t predict the future. I over analyze everything and that’s not healthy. I just wish I knew what he was thinking or what will possibly happen with us. But I know that’s only wishful thinking on my part :-(

Wow! It’s funny how so much can change in 3 years, but still feel the same. Life seems the exact same, when in reality there has been much growth. I’ve matured and have a better understanding of these things. I love how naive I was to the idea of “love”. And I love that I’ve found my old journals. It’s like a window into my past thoughts. So much more to read!

*Name left out to prevent pure embarrassment :-)

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