Mom Knows Best

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Maybe on your 30th birthday you’ll realize just how much you have going for you! Love ya!

A quote from my mom. She always knows what to say. Most of the time, I think she says it because she’s my mom and she has to. Other times, I’m convincing myself she’s speaking the truth.

I’ve always been the type of person to be super hard on themselves. I’ve never been able to appreciate myself. They say it’s hard to love someone else when you can’t even love yourself. That’s so true. I have always looked down on myself. No matter how many times I’ve been told I’m beautiful, no matter how any times my sisters argue with me because they think I’m so perfect, no matter how many times complete strangers tell me I have a beautiful smile….I don’t see it. I want to, but I’m not sure I ever will.

People assume I have a large amount of self-esteem because I love taking pictures. I tend to come off as the “Queen of Selfies”. But it’s a facade. I try to take the best picture possible to make myself feel better, to possibly get a glimpse of what everyone else sees. I usually feel great about myself for a second and then it all goes away. It’s 10 times harder living in LA. You see so many girls who appear to be FLAWLESS without even trying! It’s disgusting! I tell myself that one day I’ll get there, but it’s not even about the outer shell, it’s my inner peace. I need to be at peace with who I am and who God made me.

My biggest flaw is my weight. I’ve struggled with this for years. And while I am not massively overweight, I’m no where near where I want to be. I think my weight plays the biggest part. In my head I think once a few pounds are gone, my confidence will rise. In my heart, I know it’s going to take more. I don’t love myself, plain and simple! But the first step is admitting that. I know what my problem is and I’m working on it more and more every day.

I used to think my issue was not being loved. I’m single. That’s hard on anyone. Who doesn’t want to be loved? But love from someone else doesn’t cure self-love. And I don’t need anyone else’s love to cement my confidence or to justify how awesome I am. But I want someone else’s love.

I’m alone. What does that say about me? Nothing. It just makes my self-esteem plummet. There’s got to be a reason why no one wants me or is attracted to me. What is it?

“Work on yourself, Tiffany”, my mom says.

“Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to Tiffany”, my mom says.

I’m listening to you mom, mainly because you’re always RIGHT.

XOXO
TJ

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