……This was advice that was given to me today, as I talked to a coworker about how I let someone slip through my fingers and I wished I could turn back the hands of time and speak my truth or SPEAK UP! I’ve heard these words so many times, and I know it rings true, but it’s easier said than done.
Disclaimer: I tend to write a lot about my feelings, and at times it discourages me to write. But that’s what having a blog is all about, right? So, I am going to write about my feelings as much as I want and not let it discourage me anymore. Sometimes it results in my best writing. I can’t help that I have experienced a lot of love in my life, and with love comes heartache. It’s what I know and what I am familiar with, so here we are. (not sure why I felt that was necessary to mention, but oh well.)
Now, back to that advice; I’ve mentioned before how I am very impatient and how I tend to want things to happen instantaneously. But at some point I need to be realistic and be real with myself. I know that every thing happens for a reason and things happen the way they are meant to happen (as I’ve stated in so many posts before), but let’s be real…I’m a Leo. For those of you who aren’t big into astrology, Leo’s tend to feel that everything is about them. They always get what they want so when things don’t happen the way they feel they should, they often act like a two year old and have tantrums about it. I’m going to own up to that because in most cases it’s very true. But I digress. I say all of this to point out the reason it is so hard for me to grasp the concept, “Let the Chips Fall Where they May.” I don’t want them to fall where they may! I want them to fall how I want them to fall! See! There I go again in true Leo fashion!
Not being able to accept this statement all coincides with my “living for me” post that I wrote previously about what I am hoping happens in the New Year. For so many years I have talked to others about my problems. I just can’t help it. Whether it be a conversation I have with best friends, or a conversation I have with other females (just because that is what females do-also something else I need to work on. Aye dios mio!) I’ve realized that you can’t talk to everyone about everything. While I love sharing my life with my friends, sometimes their thoughts and opinions cloud my personal judgement and it results in me not following my heart. Instead, I listen to said friends because in my heart I feel that they wouldn’t steer me wrong. But you can’t let your friends live YOUR life! Listening to friends has caused me to let certain people slip right through my fingers. There have been potential love interests that I have allowed to “be the one who got away” because I took a friends advice instead of listening to myself. You know the situation; when you’re going back and forth about whether or not you should say how you feel to someone because you are afraid of the outcome? So you go to a friend for advice and they tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t say anything, or the opposite: they tell you to go for it and hype you up to the point where you scare yourself away from the situation? Yeah, I can’t continue to let scenarios like that happen. If I continue on, I will never really be living the experience–because all things in life and love are experiences, right? Who cares what the outcome ends up being?! The fact is you said something and now, it doesn’t matter if the response was positive or negative, you don’t have to spend the next 10 years wondering ‘what if?’, kind of like I am now.
With this brand new ‘living for me’ attitude, if I want something or feel some type of way, I’m going to voice it. Want to know why? Because in the end the chips will fall where they may and the end result will be whatever it’s meant to be. It’s already predestined! And while everything happens the way it’s supposed to, I can still have some kind of control over that! Everything can happen the way it’s supposed to, but it can end on a high note or on a low note, and that’s what I have control over. Don’t let anyone else steer your destiny. Being in control is the only way you can ensure everything happens the way YOU meant for it to happen. And then…..wait for the chips to fall where they may.