This is a real question…
Was I that bad?
It’s always hard to tell how you’re truly living life until you get the opinion of someone on the outside looking in. Otherwise, things never seem as bad as they are. For me, I know that I wasn’t always an angel. I know that I’ve put my family, especially my mom, through a lot. Not because I wanted to be a bratty kid, but because I was an adolescent and a teenager; the only thing I knew how to do was be a thorn in my moms side. As I got older, I still didn’t make the best choices, but that’s why I had my family to steer me in the right direction. Once I had my own child, I was able to grow closer to my mom and learn what it is like to be responsible for someone else. I had to get my act together if I wanted to be a good example for my son. For the most part, I think I straightened out and became a pretty great mom. I can admit that it was shaky at first, because I was learning the ends and outs of motherhood. But overall, I think I’ve done better than most. Is there room for improvement? Always! There’s always room to grow and do better. But we all teach differently, we all nurture and love differently. So there’s no wrong or right way to be a mom, unless you’re not being a mother to your child at all.
Over the weekend I had a discussion with a few women in my family and they praised me for the turnaround I’ve made. They said they were proud of the choices I made, the courage I had to pick up and move 3000 miles across the country for a better opportunity and the strength I had to do all of this while being a single mom. But the one phrase that was stated more than once was, “I was worried about where you were going and I’m so glad you’re not in that place anymore!” This made me think…was I really that bad? It didn’t bother me that those comments were made because I know I was a lot to handle. What bothered me was the thought that I actually put my mom and family through hell. Is that what I did? I will be honest and say I don’t remember much from my adolescence, but I know I wasn’t a drug addict or selling my body or making any bad choices that required rehab. So what did I “turnaround” from? I had to ask my mom because I couldn’t live with the thought that I may have caused her pain. And when I brought this subject up, she reassured me that it was the complete opposite from the way I was perceiving the conversation….
She explained to me that the people in my family have so much faith in me. They think I am capable of doing so much more than I give myself credit for. They think I am more beautiful than I see myself. All they want for me is to be my absolute best. And I guess in my earlier years, I wasn’t making the best choices that conveyed I thought I was worth anything. So my turnaround was having that faith and belief in myself to move across country not having a job or a support system (OR knowing anyone) and building myself up to where I am now. To think that my family has the confidence in me to be excellent makes me want to surpass excellence! I’ve said before that family is everything and the true foundation of who we are. I’m so proud and honored to have a family I can stand on and count on to help me shine my brightest! More importantly, I am proud to be a part of a family that overcomes all obstacles and has the willpower to make a way out of no way. What great examples the younger generations in my family, and I, have to look up to!