Usually on days like today, when I’m in a funk and wallowing in self-pity, I’m down on myself and wondering why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made and why I’ve done the things I’ve done. I wonder how life would be had I gone down a different path. But at the end of the day, I am where I am for a reason. I am the person I am for a reason, who I am is who I’m meant to be. And I’m okay with that.
I’ve been through a lot but I always end up on top. When I doubt a decision I’ve made and I feel like there will be a struggle, I always tell myself, “God would not have brought me this far to leave me”. I’m a firm believer in that. I can’t give up or have self-doubt. Why? Because I’m a survivor. To see where I’ve been and where I am now; I’ve made leaps and bounds. Sure, I’m not where I want to be ultimately, but I’m making the right strides.
If nothing else, I refuse to be a victim of circumstance. When I’m in a daze or in a fog, I stare blankly ahead and I can see that the future is bright, despite what I feel today. I see life being exactly the way I want it to be. I see the success just around the corner. I see the days ahead where I won’t need to reach out to my Mother for help or guidance. I see the days where I can fully stand on my own and not be that newborn baby calf with jello legs who is just learning to walk. I can walk tall on my own, all because of God’s amazing grace. If you knew my story, you’d understand why I’m a survivor. You would understand why after everything I’ve dealt with I’m proud to be where I am. And maybe one day I’ll tell you that story.
But for now, no more days like today. No more doubting or questioning why, because I’ve gotten to this point for a reason. The picture is so much bigger, if I just allow myself to appreciate the view.