Finally! I’m back! And this is something I couldn’t be happier about! Writing has always been my outlet, my getaway from the outside World. I’ve gone way too long without gracing the World with my words. It’s been a long, hard 9-months and what better way to start the New Year off than to get back to writing.
So…..where have I been and what have I been doing, you may ask?
Within the last 9-months, I have moved to a new state, started a new job, had a mental breakdown and learned a lot about myself. I have finally learned what it means to be genuinely happy and what it truly means to love ones self. It could be the medication I’m currently taking that has contributed to this epiphany, but nonetheless I’m glad it’s a revelation that I stumbled across sooner than later.
Moving to Nevada has probably been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It’s not my first time making a spontaneous move, but when I moved to California I had family there; people I could fall back on and rely on if need be. Coming to Nevada, I had no one. No family, only 1 friend and the enthusiasm to start from scratch. That’s exactly what I had to do. I have always been pretty independent, but now I was COMPLETELY independent, and there was no turning back!
With this independence and the desire to help others find the same independence and happiness I knew I was sure to encounter, I learned a tough life lesson: you can’t help everyone! I may be a lot of negative things, but one positive thing that I can say about myself is that I am always willing to help someone else, if able. I won’t go into details about situations that happened during this time of trying to “save everyone”, but what I will say is it took a toll on my mind, body and spirit; thus causing my mental breakdown. I have always been one to suffer depression and anxiety, but it’s never been pushed to the limits that I experienced over the past few months. But, without these experiences and life lessons, I wouldn’t have been able to come to the conclusion that life is meant to be lived. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I can honestly say that since 2017 has begun, I have been nothing short of happy. I took the time to evaluate my life and I realized that getting angry or upset with anyone or anything doesn’t do anything but hurt me. Why put myself through that? So, if I can’t smile or laugh about it, it’s not worth my time. What’s crazy is that it has taken me 10+ years to get to this point. I have spoken about my past before, and how I am a survivor. I have for sure endured A LOT of pain and agony, and I have blamed myself for every second of that pain and agony. But at the end of the day, while everyone is living their lives and moving on, I was dwelling and suffering and being miserable. No more. I’ve decided that needs to come to an end. So, here I am.
I am back at the place I once was. The place where I could take all the feelings I had inside and let them flow through my fingers. It really is a therapy like no other. Sometimes it is better than sex to me. To be able to truly express how I feel through writing is a feeling like no other. I am truly gifted with my words and I need to own that and take pride in the one thing I honestly feel I’m good at!
I don’t feel 2016 was as awful a year as everyone else feels it was. It definitely had it’s ups and downs, but it was certainly a year of growth. I feel as though I have become closer with a few very important people in my life. I have learned who no longer needs to be in my life. I have learned that as long as I love myself, others will see the beauty in me as well and love me as much as I love myself. I won’t be cliche and say this year will be “New Year, New Me!” but more so the year to evolve. It is the year to be the person I have longed to be for over half my life. If that means I find love, then I find love. If that means I spend the year finding myself, then I spend the year finding myself. If that means I spend the year staying in the house and keeping out of the party scene, that’s what it means. If it means all my time will be devoted to work, then all my time will be devoted to work. But, one thing my time will not be devoted to is allowing others to stress me out, change my opinion of myself, make me feel less than or cause me to get so low that it effects my health. I have found my confidence again and that is something no one can take from me. I am content, I am happy and I am free from the self-doubt and negativity that was holding me back. And more importantly, my relationship with God has become stronger than it’s ever been. Because let’s face it, through Him all things are possible and without Him we are nothing. So, HERE WE GO AGAIN! But this time, I WILL come out on top as VICTORIOUS!
Image Courtesy Of: Huffington Post